Leash Children

[bee]

I was talking about this with a friend of mine. She said it came up in a class of hers this morning and there were a lot of interesting opinions.

Neither of us feel that you should keep a child on a leash. This is why you have hands. When I was growing up, my mum told me that if we were in a store, I was to hold on to the cart, or at the very least stay near it, and if we were in a crowed place, parking lot, or street, I had to hold her hand. It seemed to work out pretty well. (I did get lost sometimes, but that's a personality thing--it still happens to me when out with people even now. I'm too quiet and I wander.) My friend's mum had 4 children under the age of 5 when she was 26 years old, and managed never putting any of them on leashes.

Someone in my friend's class disagreed. Her parents kept her on a leash until she was 8 or 9 years old. Anywhere they went, she was on a leash (like a puppy). If she was playing out in their yard and she didn't want to come inside when her parents did, they had a chain around a tree, and they'd just clip her leash to that and let her keep playing. Even when they were out there, they'd hold onto her leash and follow her around as she played. She says if they hadn't, she surely would've run out into the road or something. She was an only child, and really I think that's incredibly sad actually.

Anyway, pretty much I think keeping a child on a leash like a dog is a little bit ridiculous. Thoughts?

[bethanwy]

I was kept on a leash when I was little, I recall. I don't remember when my parents stopped, though. I was a very weird, hyperactive child and I would have ran off if I wasn't, probably.
I think it's fine, really. Little kids can't be trusted to judge what's safe and what's not. But maybe it's because I'm an only child?

[jessia]

i've only seen children on a leash a few times (but max. 5 or 6 y.o.). for the parent with a whole bunch of children who do really wander off, i can kind of sympathise. otherwise, i would agree that holding hands should be sufficient. and if you trust your child to wander a little, then they should be allowed to wander that little bit, unleashed. i also don't see the point in tying a kid to a tree... and i would certainly think that 8 y.o. is far too old to wander around tied to your caregiver.

in quebec, there is subsidised daycare: it's kind of great. daycares in ontario that are ridiculously expensive basically keep children inside all day or in penned up playgrounds for maybe half an hour. here, i see children being taken on walks all the time by their daycares. the caregiver:child ratio doesn't look too bad either, but when they go on walks, the children are usually holding onto a rope with handles. they're not tied to it. however, there is always that one straggler at the end, who is tied to it. it's kind of cute, and easy to sympathise with because that is the child that wanders off. (however, there's liability issues here where if that kid wandered off, it would be the daycare's fault and not "could happen to anyone.")

[intotheworld]

The first time I saw a child on a leash I thought is was bizarre and wrong. Upon thinking about it more I generally dislike it, but now I realize that some people could have reasons why it would be the best choice (for example a child with a disability who may run off into a street). I've learned to mind my own business about it as I now realize that I don't understand every single individual's situation that I see and that I don't know if they have what I deem a "good reason" or not. I feel that a typical child doesn't need a leash, but I can think of some cases where it actually does allow children more opportunity and chances they may not have otherwise.

[Leif]

Someone in my friend's class disagreed. Her parents kept her on a leash until she was 8 or 9 years old. Anywhere they went, she was on a leash (like a puppy). If she was playing out in their yard and she didn't want to come inside when her parents did, they had a chain around a tree, and they'd just clip her leash to that and let her keep playing. Even when they were out there, they'd hold onto her leash and follow her around as she played. She says if they hadn't, she surely would've run out into the road or something. She was an only child, and really I think that's incredibly sad actually.

That's really, really ~*iguana*~ up. I give my dog more freedom than that! Seems like the result of poor parenting and media-induced paranoia.

[kaoshoneybun]

OMG I can't believe these stories of children that old - especially being chained up in the garden!!!
I have a 20 month old daughter and we have baby reins for her when we go out because while she usually holds our hand too I wouldn't want her to run into the road. But I can't imagine even a really difficult child over 3 using them

[Blossom]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Usually people will just do it when they're in a busy area to stop their kids walking off or into the road. But not by age 8 or 9 though. Wouldn't have thought they even make them that big.

[LadyHawke]

I have always wondered if childern on a leash were potty trained or if they had to go out for 'walkies'....

No, I am a mother of two and I would never put my kids on a leash. Ever. Or put them in a cage, or chain them in the yard, or leave them in a carseat while in a resturant and they are awake..... But then again, I have horses trained to walk beside me with no halter and lead, I would hope I could control my kids better than that.

But honestly, I think it is ridiculous, why not crate them when at home for that matter? Eaiser to train puppies that way also.....

[kaoshoneybun]

I find it interesting that you should ask

why not crate them when at home for that matter?

when people were concerned you were too strict a mother in another thread?

[jessia]

I find it interesting that you should ask

why not crate them when at home for that matter?

when people were concerned you were too strict a mother in another thread?

i think we resolved that concern in the other thread.

[Peter]

I think you'll find a US / UK split here. All young children go through a phase where, having graduated from a pushchair, they revel in their new freedom. They test limits, without too much regard to traffic or other people. Usually this phase doesn't last long, but while it's on a leash can be - quite literally - a life-saver.

Bee - imaging you're trying to manage shopping, a pushchair and an active 3 y.o. on a crowded, narrow pavement next to a busy main road in an English town while, say, boarding a bus. You need all the help you can get. In the more spacious surroundings of the US the case may not be so clear-cut.

Minor was leashed for a few months when he was two or three, but soon grew out of them. The leash was always a backstop to normal hand-holding, of course.

To do it to an eight or nine year old would raise a few eyebrows anywhere, I think.

[Soapy]

Having never had young kids i have no idea what I would do if one of them was likely to wander off... but I sure as hell know chaining up an 8 or 9 year old is ridiculous and I don't care who I offend.

Okay, i'm in a mood, but honestly I do think that's daft. It just seems like a far too high level of control.

[Angel to follow]

I had reigns when I graduated from the pushchair. My mum had my younger sister as well so it was really useful for her to make sure I didn't wander off. I don't really see the problem with it, its pratical and the intent isn't malicious.

[LadyHawke]

I find it interesting that you should ask

why not crate them when at home for that matter?

when people were concerned you were too strict a mother in another thread?

Well, they were making a judgement based on very little info. (Most do.) My kids would laugh if you told them that it was thought I was too strict. I will be the first to admit to being paranoid and watchful, but strict, no. My kids cuss, they stay up late mosttimes, they don't have set chores, (altho they DO work, they don't have to keep thier room clean kind of thing). I am actually chided by most mothers by my lack of strictness, and that I don't make my kids say 'yes mam' and 'no mam'. But I DO watch my kids all the time, when they play outside or we are in public. WHile I watch my kids like a hawk (joke, my daemon is a falcon) I couldn't condone tyeing them up, even to me. I can watch, I can call my kids, they listen to me, I don't need such devices as a kid-leash. I would be far more worried about my kids chokin themselves than wandering off. But then again, I DO watch my kids, with my eyes, and I don't rely on a leash to keep my kids safe. That is my job.

[heatheradair]

I don't have a problem with very small kids on "leashes". I do however, have a problem with calling them leashes, because it seems to be a term used to imply that you are degrading the children and treating them like dogs. I work with special needs children reasonably often, and a lot of them need to wear what's called a gait belt most of the time (wide strap of strong webbing, sometimes with handles). Some even need to be gait belted to their chairs lest they fall out or run away (and trust me, when they run away, they RUN).

I think that if I have any concerns about losing my child (when I have one), I'd see if I could fashion a system with two gait belts - one around my waist, and one around theirs - connected with a bit of rope. This way, you wouldn't have to hold on to the rope, which encourages hand-holding. And hey, if you're offended by the image of a dog leash, you can think of it as a second umbilical cord.

If you're holding your child's lead INSTEAD of hand-holding, that's silly, as hand-holding needs to be learned as a means of them keeping track of you and not getting lost.

Overall, I think people are too uppity about this topic

[Peter]

I don't need such devices as a kid-leash. I would be far more worried about my kids chokin themselves than wandering off.

Do you seriously believe the leash (or whatever you choose to call it) is fastened around the child's neck, as if he or she were a dog?

[jessia]

I don't need such devices as a kid-leash. I would be far more worried about my kids chokin themselves than wandering off.

Do you seriously believe the leash (or whatever you choose to call it) is fastened around the child's neck, as if he or she were a dog?

well small children can manage to wind things around their necks even if they're fastened to their coat sleeves. when my brother was little, he managed to wind the toy telephone cord around his neck and my mom had to cut it off. that said, i don't consider my little brother to be the brighest kid out there.

[Peter]

This article seems to sum up the pro and con arguments pretty well.

My daughter was 15 months old when she decided to play hide and seek in the clothes rack at a store. I was scared to death. From that day on we used a wrist strap to keep her close, but still let her walk and explore her surroundings. By the time she was 3, she had 2 sisters; one 22 months and one a newborn. It wasn’t possible for me to push 2 strollers, so I kept her on a wrist strap and put the two younger ones in a stroller. It was peace of mind for me, and safety for her. The looks I received from people while we were out in public were enough to make me second-guess my motives. On one instance a woman confronted me about my daughter’s ‘leash’; telling me it was cruel. As she walked away, I told her that at least I knew where my children were and they were safe.

Later that same day, the comments from the stranger ran through my mind again. The words she had spoken put doubt where my good intentions had been. Was I a bad mother for using a wrist strap on my daughter? I had talked to people before I bought one and most agreed with its use or the use of a harness. I did have one person tell me that such things were just the manufacturers way of putting fear in parents and wanting them to believe that without their product, their child would be taken from them. The positive side was it gave my daughter a certain amount of freedom. She wasn’t strapped into a stroller constantly. Having the wrist strap gave her the chance to explore the world around her. She could walk and touch and learn without me worrying about someone snatching her. If they were going to take her, I was going along. I felt those that did not understand my using the wrist strap were those who may be uneducated about safety or not have children of their own. I did have to admit though, that before I had children, I was also unsure about such things. I too had seen them as barbaric, and felt that people were just stubborn and unwilling to control their kids. Why didn’t they just use a stroller or stay home? What could be so important that they had to put a leash on their child?

I didn’t understand safety until I had my children and that day in the store with my daughter. I knew that it only takes a second for someone to walk off with a child, and that using a wrist strap or harness was for safety, when we were in public. I was no longer the one giving out the strange looks, but instead I was receiving comments on how cruel I was. I could only tell them that I was not cruel; it was a safety issue. I knew my children’s safety meant more than any comments a person could give about being inhumane. Now safety had a whole new meaning. When it comes down to it and you need to make sure your child is safe, you do what you have to do.

Quite.

[kaoshoneybun]

Thanks for that, really does wrap up a lot of views.
With the initial story I think it was the age and the fact the child was going to be left alone leashed up in the garden that were the issues.

[Jaya]

I think I was on a "leash" for a bit, and I have nothing against it. I was pretty young and my sister was in a pram or pushchair and very demanding and I had a habit of wandering off and getting lost. It was velcro and did up around my wrist and I knew how to take it off because I just about remember it. I got lost in Heathrow Airport when I was three. I imagine losing a child is very traumatic. Getting lost in the airport was mildly distresing.