The Republic of Heaven

So, Darren, have any Archers fans been able to enjoy Christmas?

laff a minute.

'bout time she died.

Darren, when did London get a death star superlaser?

(and a decent effects budget?)

Not to mention a poodle which bites, and tells the prez to spin on this one.

darren, why does it seem my boyfriend loves video games more than anything in life, including me?

Why do I get loads of make up, bath oils, and expensive perfume off my many aunts and uncles when I constantly tell them im not girly?

hey darren, how do you set up this stupid iPod iHome thingy majiggor?

Darren, when did London get a death star superlaser?

(and a decent effects budget?)

if you watch this, later next year, i'm thinking you may find out.

-- darren

So, Darren, have any Archers fans been able to enjoy Christmas?

The Archers is really getting to me. The car-thieving, drug-dealing, burglaring, pathologically jealous Ed reaps the reward of his bone-heaed scumbaggery while his brother, who is 'boring' because he takes responsibility for his own life within his self-acknowledged limitations, is marginalised and made out to be the baddie though he has done no wrong. I don't understand why Ed and his fluff-brained scrubber haven't been run out of town.

I don't understand why Ed and his fluff-brained scrubber haven't been run out of town.

So when does Cloive get out?

Will has to learn how to be right about being right.

Bloomin Archers! I'm afraid I'm like the late, great John Walters. Soon as that bloody tune comes on the wireless goes off.

Eastenders - that's quality drama for yer...

Bloomin Archers! I'm afraid I'm like the late, great John Walters. Soon as that bloody tune comes on the wireless goes off.

Eastenders - that's quality drama for yer...

Soddin' 'appy endin'!

God they dragged that one out didn't they? - In time honoured 'Enders tradition. They'll be back - when their back balances get a bit iffy.
I'll stop this now before it turns into 'Pete & Chris's TV soap thread'...

Bloomin Archers! I'm afraid I'm like the late, great John Walters. Soon as that bloody tune comes on the wireless goes off.

Now, now Chris. It allows us to be amused by the quality tales of the good honest country folk while realizing they're a bunch of bar stewards who like nothing more than ripping apart sentient animals. It keeps them where they belong.

Also spake Ceres:

Soddin' 'appy endin'!

What? Was there no industrial lifting machinery to raise a smile?

Contrary to popular myth, there's a lot of humour on the Square, it's not all turfwars, 'didn't you kill my brother' and terminal disease: At present you've got Gary & Minty doing their Morcombe & Wise act, Jim & Patrick always getting found out by the missus's. Nana (RIP) was a scream. You've also got Keith Miller and his pearls of wisdom. Stacey's got some great one-liners. Worth the licence fee on its own

Stacey's a wonderful character and Lacey Turner does a great job with her.

Yeah, when she arrived I thought she was too much like the Artful Dodger, but she's one of the best on there now:

"The two birds that run the pub, they're right up themselves. The bird in the café she's a bit up herself but not too bad. Yolande in the shop, she's up herself. She's all right sometimes. Pauline in the launderette, she's a right old dragon and she's up herself. The other one just goes on about God all day. My Nan's a battleaxe. My cousin Mo's all right but my cousin Zoë, wait till you get a load of her. She's so far up herself she's coming back out again!"

What's Jim Carver doing on Eastenders? And when's he going to start shooting people with a high powered rifle?

Do you mean the bloke who used to be on The Bill who's not Billy Murray?

That's Mike Swann, Rosie's ex, father of Dawn and Mickey. He's fallen on hard times, back from living the high life on the continent.